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Hello there! Welcome to my website. Can you believe we are nearly half way through the year already??? I have put on a couple more 'new!' columns for you to enjoy!...
Lynsey. R x ( Welsh singleton at heart )
Ring a ding ding!
Recently my 007 and I have discussed the prospect of marriage. A few years ago I would have been all OTT and girly, shouting it from the roof tops. However, as many of you know with the fact that I have been engaged before I feel I can't quite pull it off. There would always be someone round the corner, whispering "will she go through with it this time?" or "here we go again". Which is a pity really, as I've never been this happy with anybody and I know my 007 is the man for me. I know it's quite sudden with my secret agent, but we both know its right, so why shouldn't we make it 'official' and be Mr and Mrs Bond in the near future?
With marriage on the mind, I have taken more notice of others talking about the 'M' word, and its all big dresses, big parties, big flowers, big diamonds and big everything. Don't misunderstand me this is fantastic, every woman should want (and have) the most perfect day, and knowing my parents I'll also have the biggest and best of everything as well.
Although, it makes me wonder." What's it all worth?" I got a feeling that some women would sell their soul weeks leading up to their wedding for it to be perfect and the best it can be. It's all well and good having diamond rings and big, flash weddings, but they mean nothing if you haven't got your health, great family or a positive future to look forward to. Anybody can get married, it's who you marry is the important thing. Everything else is materialistic and is not important. This is the reason why my other engagements fell through... it was the wrong person.
As the next few months approach and IF wedding plans unfold, then I am going to make sure I appreciate every moment, everything and every person who helps out and makes my day ( If and when it comes! ) the best day of my life. I'm going to try my hardest to never take my Mr. B for granted and let him know as often as I can how much he means to me. So all the ladies who are planning their wedding just make sure you keep things into perspective and enjoy every moment.
I love a charade!
This year it's seems everyone and their mother is getting married. Sometimes I think I should settle down (properly this time) soon. I really don't want children, yes, regardless of everyone out there who says I'll change my mind...it won't happen! Then there's the marriage issue. Not all that bothered(anymore), of course one day I would like to do the deed, but when I'm 100% sure and not because EVERYONE else is doing it.
I say that, as for the last few weeks, unfortunately for my 007, I did catch a bad case of wedding fever. Between the dresses, flowers, parties, oh and the heat outside, I caught an addiction. I wanted one and wanted a wedding now! Everyone else was doing it, so I wanted to. Now I see how ridiculously crazy that idea was, but at the time I felt a sense of being left out (not jealously, as my wedding would be the best, wink!)
However, and this is being slightly naughty, an acquaintances of mine very recently got married. We were friendly-ish in school, but we didn't travel in the same circles. Didn't bother with either of them after we left school, the odd hello, if that.
Nevertheless, eight plus years pass and I learn they are living together, and then I hear of their wedding. "How can they get married before me?" Nothing against the pair, it was the 'W' fever talking. Not long after a 'so-called' friend of the groom told me something this instantaneously stopped my wedding fever.
Not long ago Mr. Groom took a holiday (alone). Whilst on this holiday he was badly behaved and had a little fling. Now, if that wasn't bad enough, it turned out that this little fling was not with some sexy senorita, no, it was with some sexy senor. Ok, now if that's how you want to live your life, fab! But why marry a woman? Then again, Mr. Groom confessed this little indiscretion to Mrs. Bride and she turned a blind eye and married him regardless.
When it comes to weddings, sometimes it all looks too good to be true, and sometimes it is. We never know what goes on behind closed doors, so never wish for what other have. Whether that's weddings, children, big houses or an alleged perfect relationship. Be happy with what you have and enjoy it.
The Big journey
Recently my relationship has got a little more serious with my 007. In fact, we have even spoken about 'our' future. For most people this would be an exciting time, a time to make plans and tell everyone. However, due to the fact I have been engaged before and have lived with ex-boyfriends, I don’t feel as if I can express how happy I feel. This is mainly due to certain people’s opinions and views, especially with a certain family members, who would take every opportunity to tell me how wrong I am to get 'serious' with my 007, and not waste any time in gossiping to other family members about my 'situation' with my Mr. Bond.
Yes I have made many mistakes when it comes to men, and often got myself into situations I wish I hadn't. But these mistakes were not all my fault and I've learned a lot from making them. Besides EVERYBODY makes mistakes, yet with a certain family member, it seems to only be me who does.
I explained how this was slightly annoying me to 007, and how I wish that people (especially family members) could just be happy for me and not spread gossip, especially I since have kept my relationship with 007 very low key.
He told me, that I shouldn't care so much about what others think. I should do what makes me happy and no one else. He is so right, I’m so happy and I’m missing it at times from worrying about what people think.
I’m 25 this year, I've grown up a lot, and since being with my secret agent I finally feel ready to settle down if and when it came to that. What I feel for him, I have never felt before, this is how I know its different. And if it all goes pear shaped and my Bond and I don’t work out, shouldn't your family and friends be the ones who comfort you and help you through such a time? I guess for some they just cant wait to give you the " I told you so" speech.
So from now on, as long as my parents are happy with my decisions I’m making with 007 (and they are), I don’t care what anyone else thinks... I’m happy!
Anchors Away...
When it comes to being carefree, independent women, have we missed the boat? I doubt myself at times (and others), and think yes we have (by miles). Have women’s attitudes towards themselves really changed in the last few years? Well, the answer is, of course yes they have and I should add, for the better.
Us ladies (well most of us) are finally adjusting to handling careers, households, finances, men and friendships all at the same time, and more and more often alone. Women (again most of us) are relying less and less on the opposite sex to take control and provide for us. We are learning that life still goes on without men, so we better learn to manage our lives completely by ourselves. As I’ve said all along, even though I love my 007 and would never be without him, if for some reason I was, I could pick myself up, hold my head high and know that I will be ok, that I can go on and live without him. I know I can manage alone if I need to.
Getting to this state of mind took many years or 'bad' relationships and I recommend that every woman, no matter whom, try to get to this point, and learn the lessons I have. As 'needing' a man is an overwhelming feeling, which unfortunately weighs down a woman’s self esteem.
As I read magazines and on-line articles about women, it crystal clear to see that what was once called a 'man's' world is slowly becoming a woman's. In this day and age women (almost) have a right to everything men have. Give it a few more years and we will be on par, and a few years after that it will be time for the male species to be scared...very scared!
For me personally, at the moment my boat, like many of yours is sailing smoothly and calmly, I’m happy and loving being self-sufficient, even though I have my 007, he is not the main focus of my life. But, if there’s one thing I learned in the last 12months, no matter how settled and independent you are, never, not for a second take your eye of where your heading, as there could be an iceberg just round the corner!
Where theres smoke...
Over the last few weeks, I have been letting certain things get on top of me and getting too stressed out for my own good. My problem is, I try to do too much at once.
One night, after hours of writing, I still felt as if I’d not got anywhere, where in reality I had wore myself out. I put everything down and sat on my bed. I just wanted to cry; I wanted all my worries from that day to fade away, and the most shocking thing... I just wanted my boyfriend. I wanted him to come and make the situation better and help me forget everything that was getting me down.
In that single moment I wondered... " Do women just want to be rescued?" Normally I would have responded NO! Straight away, but there was no escaping how I was feeling at time. I wanted my agent to come and whisk me away. The more I sat there and thought about this, the more different ideas came into my head. "Do women rely on men too much for support?” "Do women want a man to take charge when things get tuff?" and "Why do women like uniforms so much on men?" Yes, I know a big part is that they look so good, but are we subconsciously drawn to men in uniform because of what it stands for? As, men in uniform are normally in the business of helping and rescuing people. Such as police, firemen and soldiers.
The truth is ladies we are all guilty of thinking this way. Even the most independent, secure and together women will get a moment where everything just gets too much and they want their other half to make it better. Even women who are single (and want to be single) secretly wish at those times they had a certain someone who can comfort them, someone who is more than a friend.
The people who know me best will know how inpatient I am and how stressed I can become at times, and how this can lead me to become an miserable and snappy so-and-so. In previous relationships this side has me was often too difficult for my boyfriends to handle at times.
However, my 007 is patient, understanding and helpful when I’m in this state of mind. He has already proven repeatedly what a strong-minded man he is. I’m sure all of your men are just as wonderful. So, I have to ask myself "Is it any wonder us ladies yearn for our men when times get tuff?
Cupid...friend, or foe?
A few weeks ago I asked 007 if he would like to do something for Valentines Day. As we talked we realised that it was the same day as the England vs Wales in rugby. With 007 being a huge rugby fan I knew it would be difficult to arrange something around the game, as my secret agent would be going to the pub to watch it with friends. So it was decided that we wouldnt do anything or see each other on Valentines day ( after all it is just another day ). 007 told me he thought the day was just an excuse to waste alot of money. I guess I was a little dissapointed, but after all its only one day out of the year and since I wasnt even expecting to be in a relationship this year, it isnt too much of a let down.
Over the next few days, I heard my friends talk about how they were going to be having a night in the pub with their partners watching the rugby and how happy they were to even be invited to the pub and to spend valentines day there. I guess when as I kept hearing this, there was a part of me that felt a little left out, but I just reminded myself that its not a huge deal.
One night when 007 rang, I mentioned to him that I would probably work on V-Day as I had no big plans, and could watch the match in work. My secret agent paused for a while then asked if i wanted some good news. Not thinking much of the question I said yes. What came next was unexpected... 007 had booked a table in an italian resturaunt for Valentines Day. This wasnt just any Italian, it was the Italian he had taken me when we were dating, I absolutely loved it. It was booked for 6.30pm, meaning he would also miss the rugby. As you can imagine I was extatic.
So, heres hoping my Valentines day lives up to my expectations. To everyone with a special someone make sure you spend the day showing them just how special they are to you and to my fabulous singletons spend the day doing everything that makes you happy, after all it's a day about love and loving yourself is the most important!
The big time!
Have you ever wondered, when it comes to relationships " Is timing everything?" Well in my instance yes. I know for a fact, if I had entered a relationship straight after my break-up last year, it would have ended in disaster. Even if I had started dating my 007, it still would have been a wreck, as a relationship was the last thing I needed.
After 10months of being single, spending time alone and doing what I wanted to do, I was finally ready to be 007's girlfriend (even though I had no idea I was ready to be a bond girl!). Thinking back to when 007 asked me out on a first date, I remember not being all that keen on the idea. In fact I actually avoided a phone call from him one night. (But we wont tell him that) I just wasn't ready (or bothered) for voice on voice action with him at that point!
However, I eventually took his call and engaged in what would become a very long, but interesting conversation with him. The moment we said good-bye, I knew he could potentially be someone special in my life.
By that time I had, had time to digest that 007 could be someone I would date on a regular basis. I had time to think, and I realised, I've never been more settled or secure in life and myself. It was a great time to get into 'serial' dating. Thankfully my 007 is reasonably settled and secure in himself, so that made the 'relationship' between us a lot easier from the word go.
At present, I'm very busy with work, writing and other little projects I have going (and shopping…sssh!) and 007 has just started a new job, so he's really busy too. How great it is that we both have so much going on and at the exact same time. Its so amazing then when we do spend time with each other, I'm not getting all lovey dovey, I mean 'amazing' because we have so much gossip to tell each other and he's so funny. Imagine if only one of us was busy and the other was stuck at home ect... not so good then.
I think its safe to say my 007 and I got together at a perfect time... and I couldn't be happier.
No If's, ands or butts
In a relationship, what are the deal breakers? When your younger its mainly if hes caught looking at your best mate in 'that' way or kissing her behind your back, if he doesn't ring or text you when he said he would, if he takes the mick out of you infront of his friends, goes back on his word or doesnt take you to that disco you wanted to go to.
Now we're adults, is anything different? Ok, the cheating issue, definately. Every self respecting woman should never give a man another chance to hurt her feelings, no matter how much she loves him. You should get rid!!! looking at the best mate 'that' way? well aslong as it's just looking, no problem, after all, the majority of us women probably think his mates are pretty cute! If he doesnt ring or text, ok that can be very annoying, but i wouldnt class it as a deal breaker. Unless, its a regular thing and he's doing it because he really can't be bothered. in which case, go find someone who is bothered about you, as im sure there are plenty of guys who are.
Taking the mick out of you infront of his mates? well do i really need to answer this, if your man does this well either he's lied about his age and in actual fact he's 12, or he is a complete idiot and needs proffecial help. That a good enough answer for you? Going back on his word? well again if its a regular thing, if dissapointment is becoming your new best friend in your relationship, then a little re-think won't do you any harm.
In todays 'relationship' society, there are so many different types of relationships. What one woman will put up with, another women refuses too and so on. But do you think women are getting more tuned in to the fact that if their mr.right now isnt such a mr.perfect, they could easily go find another one? They should do! I feel women are putting up with less nonsense from their men and making sure they know a few ground rules. Its about time too, men need to know that in every relationship there are 'deal breakers' and that if they're not to careful they will be the part of the deal thats broke!
Compromising situations
Since ive been with 007, we have both had really busy scheduals. This hasnt been an issue, we both try and be fair and spend the free time we do have together. However, recently i have had to wonder... " in a relationship, when does the art of compromise, become compromising?". Even though im still very happy with Mr Bond, there have been several occasions where i have thought to myself that he is being selfish when it came to when we see each other. I do my best to compromise and in fairness he does try, but even when he is trying, its still mainly on his terms.
A good example is, a few days ago when we discussing when we were both free to see each other, 007 said that he tries to keep friday nights free to see me. now i know you all may be thinking" what's wrong with that?" the truth is, majority of the time i have to be up early for work on Saturday, and he knows this. Seeing 007 on a week night would be so much easier for me, he does work late some days in the week, but not every day. i also realise he has to finish off some work at home aswell, but that's where the compromise comes in. Ive compromised all those friday nights, so why shouldnt i ask for a 'date' in the week?
I have tried to tell him this in the suttlest way i know how, but im still getting the whole " im keeping friday night free for you" speech. I know it can come across as if im picking up on the litlest thing, but thats exactly the point. if 007 cannot compromise now and again on such a little issue, what chance would we have with bigger issues?
I know my secret agent would never hurt me or make things difficult for me on purpose, i just wished he thought a little harder and a little longer about what he says and does at times. After all being in a relationship, is like being a team, if one is giving and doing more than the other... it doesn't work.
Dont ask, dont tell
In a relationship, is honesty really the best policy? i guess the answers yes... and no! If your going to be in a relationship then its always best to be honest. However, there will come a time where honesty could result in your other half getting hurt or upset. If you care about someone, then the last thing you want to do is hurt them. The trick is not what you say, but how you say it! Its all about politics!
From what i've seen women are much better doing this than men. Men just tell it how it is, for some reason they have no concept for your feelngs. Unfortunately, with my 007 i learned this the hard way. A few weeks ago we were chatting away and i started asking the usual 'girly' questions, which moved on to asking about his 'ex's', (why? i dont know, im just a typical women i guess) my Mr Bond, answered my questions and was obviously been honest with me (esspecially about one of them) and i have to say i didnt like the answers. Silly i know, and even though im 100% sure my secret agent isnt interested in any of this ex's, it didnt make any difference. Sometimes, us ladies are too curious for our own good.
It not just about previous relationships, its more likely you'l be put in a situation about whether or not to be honest in your current relationship. Remember a few weeks ago when i told you about how 007 and myself weren't goin to be seeing each on valentines day, because of the rugby and he thought valntines day was a waste of time anyway. Well, if im completely truthfull it did bother me and propably would have bothered me even more on the actual day. But... to keep things on an even keel and not to cause problems,i just let it pass. yeah, i did have the odd moan, but it was in jest and i never really told my 007 the truth.
As fate would have it, my amazing man had secretly booked a table for valentines night.
Defining Moments
This weeks column is a little different. As you all know for the last few months I have been dating my 007 and I have become increasingly fond of him. Even though we have a great time together and are constantly laughing, I never really concidered that it would go any further than dating. That was untill recently...
A Few days ago, myself and my 007 went to Cardiff Bay. As usual he was making me laugh uncontrolably, as I looked over at him, it hit me like a brick wall, I had fallen for my 007, and for the first time I concidered the possibility of having a relationship with him and thankfully, so did he. I was stunned at myself to say the least. I never expected that this year I would be in a relationship, yet alone in one in Janurary. I mean I didnt want a boyfriend, I have no time! It just shows that you never knows what's around the corner.
If i'm truthful, it wasn't a decision I took lightly. In fact it was the longest time i've taken to think about and decide whether I wanted a relationship with someone. Many people have asked, " What's different this time? and " How is 007 an improvement from the rest of the guys i've dated, or my ex's? This is something I can't easily put into words, he just is, or more than likely it is me who's different when it comes to getting involved with someone.
My 007 is funny, a perfect gentleman, intelligiant, hardworking, makes me extreamly happy and the best part, we are very much alike. "Disaster waiting to happen!" a male friend said, with regards to us being so alike. But I have to dissagree. Granted, we do clash at times as we are both stubbon and very competitive, but it's never an issue, and within a few seconds we're both back laughing.
With luck, I hope we will continue to laugh together for a long time to come, and I hope my 007 feels the same. Even though i'm now a 'girlfriend', I am still a singleton at heart and probably always will be!
All that glitters...
As you all know before 007 came along, I was happy being single and wanted to remain that way. I never imagined being in a couple, well least not for a while yet. But, since being in a new relationship I have been doing alot of thinking. One night, after getting off the phone to 007, I had a thought. " To be a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?". In my opinion, for many women I think yes, but this is probably because they want too. Lot's of women don't like the idea of being single, and becoming a couple gives them a chance to finally shake off singledom.
However, for women like me who will always be singletons at heart, no! Just because i'm now in a relationship, why does everything have to change? Why will I have to change? Of course, i'm not going to continue dating other men, but that's about it. I'm still me, I still think the same, I still act the same, I still have the same opinions about men (well some anyway)... I'm still the same! Only now, I got someone to moan to!
When I was single, I invested alot of time thinking and working out what I wanted from life and what I wanted to do with it. Just because i've entered a relationship, doesn't mean i'm going to throw it all away... not a chance! The fact that I did work out these things for myself will more than likely benefit my relationship with 007, and other relationships in the long run.
Another important issue can be who your dating. There are some very insecure men out there, who will like to keep tabs on you. They think they can tell you what to do, what to wear, who to see and try and control you. If you have a relationship like this, then you have no choice but to kiss singleton thinking behind...infact you have no choices at all and should seriously re- think why your in that relationship.
Thankfully 007, is very laid back, easy going and wouldnt expect me to change because of our relationship. After all, apart from dating other women, I wouldn't want him to change the way he is because now we're in a relationship.
To market, to market!
As many of you know, and for the rest of you who dont, recently I decided to do the one thing I never thought i'd do for a long time. I recently began a relationship with my 007. It wasnt a descision I took lightly, and even a few days afterwards I was still slighly unsure if i'd made the right choice. It made me wonder, "If all my previous relationships had ended disastrously, why would this be any different?" and "Why did I keep investing?".
Soon, I realised that for the last 10months of being single I have had many dates. Some of them could have turned into relationships, but I didnt let them, because I knew they would never work. I wanted to be single and was happy that way. The diference with 007... I'm not 100% sure on that myself, all I know is i've totally fallen for him ( against all my better judgement) ! He makes me smile and laugh constantly. Although, he also has a very dry and dark sense of humour. He teases me conciderably ( but in a funny way ), he almost never takes anything serious, he's stubbon and think's he's always right. But none of this matters, because when i'm with him, it's the happiest i've been in a long time.
It's more than the usual happiness everyone gets at the start of a new relationship. All of us get the butterfly feeling or the stomach flips when we're with someone new, but the feeling I get in my stomach when im with him is even bigger. I feel I can be completely myself with him, and I am, I don't feel the need to put up a front or be something i'm not for him.
It's not logical, it's chemical, we spark off each other, and this is something i've never experienced before with someone. This is why i've chose to invest in a relationship with 007 over the other guys i've dated since being single. Will it be worth it? Only time will tell.
Hop, skip and a week !
A few days ago I was chatting to a friend about her man trouble, at the end of the conversation she asked if I was seeing 007 that night. I told her no and that we didn't really see that much of each other as we are both really busy, we both work long hours, I write (and shop) when I get some spare time and I assume he goes to the pub. It made me realise that I really didn't see him that much. All my previous relationships had turned into us living in each others pockets... and look how well they turned out!
So, when it comes to a relationship," Do we need distance to get closer?". In my instance, I guess so. I think the fact than me and 007 dont see each other constantly, makes our relationship stronger. Whenever we do go out, or spend time together it makes it all the more special, we always have plenty of gossip, and more importantly we never run out of things to laugh at.
Although, I know alot of people who see their partners day in, day out, 24/7 and whenever they get time. A friend of mine is currently mid move, with her boyfriend after only 4 months of dating. A year ago I wouldn't have seen the problem with that, but now it just seems crazy to me. As she was telling me all her gossip about the move and her Mr.Wonderful, she asked when my 007 would be moving in with me? Hold on i thought! There was no chance, infact 007 would agree, that the pair of us would rather have all our teeth removed than move in together ( but in a good way!) it's way too soon, plus 007 and I know where we both stand on this type of issue and we pretty much feel the same.
Another story I heard recently was that a friend of a friend had recently discovered his girlfriend was pregnant...after only two months! I think it's safe to say that they will be seeing alot of each other... for the rest of their lives! Again, 007 and myself would rather swallow razor blades than have a baby together. Again this is not an insult to wards each other, we mean it as kindly as possible. It's just one of those things that we know isn't going to benefit our relationship or each other at all.
Saying that, it is the beggining of the relationship, I'm sure if 'we' turn out to be more long term, we will see more of each other and maybe the teeth removal and razor blade swallowing won't be relevant any more... but don't hold your breathe.
Gossip
So there you have it! The single girl, is now a girlfriend!... but still a singleton at heart ;)! xxx
So catch me, Lynsey Richards and my column in The Observer every week and see what's going on with the single girl ( at heart ) in South Wales, in love and life. Remember to send in your stories, opinions and advice about relationships and life to me at The Observer. I'd love to hear what you have to say! Contact me on – welshsingleton@hotmail.com - I'd love to hear off you, stories, opinions, advice or any gossip you'd like to share! xxx