How to handle a break up- The sane way!
As most of us know, break-ups can be horrific, you feel like you just want to curl up and die and you don’t care about anything or anyone anymore. You believe you’ll never get over it and that it is the end of the world. You can’t eat or sleep or you over sleep and eat, everyday is a blur and it seems nothing will ever make the feeling of emptiness go away. I know this as I’ve had more than my share of break-ups and none have been pretty let me tell you. Plus with us being women we automatically blame ourselves for these things and lets face it we try our best, we do whatever we can and become some kind of Stepford wife for our men. We forget about ourselves, we invest everything into our relationships and this unfortunately is why we feel so week and distraught when things are over. I have to say ladies, I’m sorry but it is OUR fault. I’m just as guilty as the next woman and it’s about time we put a stop to it! So those of you who are still reeling in the aftermath of a broken relationship this is what you can do to make sure the agony is cut short and you never end up in the same situation again .
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Firstly go in to the bathroom and wash your face. Take that make-up off if you have any on and stare yourself straight in the eyes when you’re looking in the mirror, it doesn’t matter if your mascaras run down your cheeks and you have panda eyes from it. Keep staring in the mirror next instead of thinking about what happened in your relationship, how you could be together again and all that mental and emotional self-harming mumbo jumbo, think about YOU! What do you want? What career do you want? What makes you happy? What are your dreams and ambitions? What do you generally want from life?
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Spend a few minutes doing this and remember it’s important to look yourself straight in the eyes. Next go grab your self a piece of paper and something to write with. Hopefully you have somewhere quiet and private to go to, like your bedroom and sit nice and calmly and begin write down all those answers that came into your head. You don’t have to write an essay, some of your answers may be one word or a name. As long as you can understand the style of writing it doesn’t matter.
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Now writing all these wonderful things down on a piece of paper is the easy part, the hardest part is doing something about them to make it a reality. The internet would be the best place to start and if you don’t have access at home, your local library will or even an internet cafe is a great idea. Research all your ideas and get as much information as possible so that you can begin getting on with your life the way you want.
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In addition to this write down a list of your past successes. Think about the times when you have been successful at something and how great it felt when you had achieved these goals. Use this past experience to fuel your self-belief and confidence for a achieving these new goals in the future.
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Another suggestion is to have self appreciation. Write down between seven and ten of your top qualities. These should be what makes you unique. If you write these on a small piece of paper you can pop them in your bag or purse and carry them around with you and you should read them whenever your feeling a little down and these will remind you of who you are and what makes you so special.
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Subsequently you should start thinking about various positive affirmations. Using positive affirmations everyday is very effective as you’re talking to your subconscious and this is where you store all those negative thoughts that you want to get rid of. A good example would be if a break up has left you with no confidence, go to a mirror everyday, it doesn’t matter if it’s day or night and look your self in the eyes and say “I am a confident person!”. Saying this out loud makes it stronger, because you are connecting with yourself.
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These affirmations can say whatever you want them to, as long as they help you to believe in yourself. It is so important to get rid of all those depressing and destructive thoughts in order for you to have a fresh start. A mental clear out you could call it.
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Now comes the more difficult part and if your like me and get a little sentimental over things, this is going to really hurt, this is more of the emotional clear out for you. Nevertheless you will feel a whole lot better for it after wards. Some of you may have already done it, but for those who haven’t here goes. Grab two black bags and if needed a glass of wine, just to take the edge off. Now you need to find every gift, photograph, card, letter, in fact anything that reminds you of your ex, put them all on your bed or the floor, where ever you have most room. Now you need to make the decision to either bin it all, or to bin everything except gifts and cuddly toys. For the simple reason that you can take them to your local car boot sale and make some pocket money out of them. Admit it, having a few drinks with your friends down the local out of the money would be rather nice. It’s all down to personal choice, everyone’s different.
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Next step spring clean your home, or if you still live with your parents or you share a home, your bedroom. Put nice clean bedding on the bed and sort through your clothes and shoes. Remember to put some uplifting music on whilst you do this. I recommend Destiny’s Child or if you’re really mad at your ex The Gossip. Having nice clean environment around you, will make you feel so much better and more positive. Another good idea would be to change things around, such as the furniture. If you are unable to do this, try hanging up a new picture or adding flowers to the room.
Now we move on to friends. Get that top up card out, put some credit on and start texting. It may only be to say hello, or even better arrange a night out. But start socialising. It will do you the world of good. If you unfortunately have unreliable friends, join a new group or institution where you’re guaranteed to meet a variety of different women and begin new friendships. It is so important to get out and socialise. Taking up a new hobby is also an excellent idea; try something different, something exciting. Variety Is the spice of life remember!
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Finally look after yourself. Take time out to nurture yourself, eat well and drink less alcohol. Go to sleep earlier and try exercising. This indicates to yourself you are worthy of being cared for. Remember you deserve to take care of yourself!Unfortunately doing all this is a great start and will really help you on your way to getting over the brute that broke your heart. But there are going to still be many times where you are going to hit a low and the only way to deal with these is to be prepared for them. I suggest purchasing a boxing bag and gloves. However if you cannot afford this, a pillow is just as good as anything. When you hit these lows you just take a deep breathe and you lay into either the bag or the pillow and you don’t stop until you are physically incapable of throwing another punch. Putting on music will again help and shouting about your ex is also a blessing at these times.
Another tip with these lows is that don’t be afraid to cry, releasing your emotions is a lot healthier than bottling them up and the more you force yourself not to cry the worse you will feel. So if you want to cry, you do it, just try and punch the pillow or bag when you’re doing it and it will feel a great deal better. You’ll soon come to find you’re not getting the low times any more and that you actually like boxing and think of it as a great way to work out.
The final part is to obviously try and give yourself a mini make over, have your hair trimmed or styled differently or maybe try a different colour. If you start exercising more, not only will it make you feel better on the inside, but the benefits will show on the outside. If you cannot afford expensive hair cuts and gym membership, don’t worry. Perhaps wear your hair differently, walk more instead of driving or taking public transport, as I’ve said before, drink plenty of water and get as much sleep as you can these will help
Here are a few other tips that can be helpful during your break-up period. Keep a journal or diary and write down all your thoughts and feelings. Try St.John’s wort, an antidepressant herb, you can find it at your local supermarket. Reading is also a good idea. If you haven’t any books at home, then get down to your local library, that’s what their there for.
Finally I’d just like to say, remember you are not alone, there are women all over this world who have dealt with and are dealing with breaking up with partners. It can be the worst feeling in the world, but however hard, there is no way HE is worth more than you and your happiness are and you remember that.
I’d like to dedicate this to all the exceptionally brave women out there who have endured such pain and heartache from men, but who never seem to give up on themselves or love.